it has been a long time since the last post. a few events, rushed days and the feeling of time spent, and one stops writing. gradually, realize the total lack of real necessity of writing, and grow content in its absence.

we write to chronicle the events in our lives, and we write because it is a means of transforming the random inadequacy of random happenings into the illusion of events. To imbue it with a vague notion of sequence, which belies and begets the idea of progression and movement.

for me to say that ‘life has been good’ then is really to say that life has not been futile, and has managed to disentangle itself from the static notion of the past.  and to say that ‘life has been meaningful’ is not really to say anything, except that i feel intuitively good about myself, over and above any retrospective rationalization of meaning and purpose that is given.

In succint sentences: i have been playing the guitar like crazy. back jamming again weekly with the same gang. auditioning singers tomorrow after placing an ad for a singer on soft. look forward to gigs. I have been buying too much guitar gear. commodity fetishism. we all gave conan a fender telecaster for his birthday, made him jump into the singapore river, and made him serenade random girls. i am probably going to relief teach gp at hc. talking to barnard i realize that i can speak to him much more casually and informally these days than i ever could as a student, perhaps its the age bug catching up. i read kundera’s immortality and it was lovely. halfway in the book, saw an anecdote that wilson told me a long time ago, remembered wilson. i am soaking back into the accumulated pool of an old life: old contacts and habits. i search possibly for some sort of synthesis.


2 Responses to “52.”

  1. 1 nurul

    hey joel. if you see the tutors say hi to them for me. hope teaching goes well. you might like mr tan, the head of gp, he’s brilliant and a good person. haha does this mean you’re going to have to go shopping for proper working clothes?? i think to realise that life is futile is perhaps the saddest realisation. hope life is good, be well!

  2. 2 supermango

    you did get the hc job after all!! and will start terrorizing all the students. hahaha. (:

    turning 21 seems so momentous, but not really, at the same time.

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